


The Fall Of The Assassin

by MizUnderstood2136



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Assassination Attempt(s), F/M, Fluff and Smut, Quote: It's Smutty Literature
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-03
Updated: 2018-05-18
Packaged: 2019-05-01 16:44:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 15,727
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14524920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MizUnderstood2136/pseuds/MizUnderstood2136
Summary: Belladonna was an assassin for the Carta. A human assassin, with little left to live for than death and more death. She was sent on a mission to kill one Varric Tethras who happened to be in the custody of the Left and Right Hands of the Divine Justinia.She arrives before the conclave to find him nearly accessible, and in her haste to gather information got caught up in the events at the Conclave.After she wakes up Marked by the orb, she finds herself embedded with the newly formed Inquisition, and in deeper trouble than ever before. She was thrust into his path, too many times to not attribute it to fate, and found herself liking her target.Eventually she resigns herself to being unable to complete her mission and the events of one day at Skyhold changes everything.Can she bring around the salty rogue? Can she claim him as he has claimed her?





	1. Chapter 1

I sat in the little hollowed out hole I had made for myself. He was inside, presumably back in the dungeon. I had been sent to Haven, on a mission from the Carta. To assassinate one Varric Tethras.  
Now one would think this makes no sense, since I do not look like a dwarf at all.  
I can explain that, since I'm still waiting for a glimpse of my target. I was born to a dwarf father and human mother. Mostly took after my mother, except for the forest green eyes, and inky black hair. Though I was rather short, barely hitting the underside of 5 feet tall. My parents died when I was a child, about 8 years old? They had died defending one of the Carta higher ups from an assassination attempt. It was shocking and quick, but the Carta woman felt bad that her problems cost me my parents. And so she took me home with her. I lived with the dwarves that made up her ragtag group of surfacer Carta.

Most of the time I was grateful. For this assignment? Not so much. First they sent me after a veritable celebrity. The man had his fingers in every pie. It was aggravating. Beyond that, he was in the custody of the left and right hands of the Divine Justinia. I had seen him all of twice in a week, leave the main building in the town.

And lastly, I was tired of killing. I was small and light and good at it. But I hated it. Had even perfected my own poison that was painless and quick, giving them a pleasant exit from this existence. Granted I was still tweaking my delivery method but that's another story.

I wanted out. This was my last contract. I was leaving after I finished it. If I ever did.

 

**3 Days Later -**

 

I was following a group of humans up the mountain path to the Temple. Not sure what it was a temple for but apparently it was important. There were mages and Templars everywhere, the tension in the air thick enough to cut. I was only following them to see if any of them had information about the prisoner back in town.

 

Worst. Plan. Ever.

 

**She awoke in a dungeon, the room mostly dark. Her hand was on fire, and she felt like she had been struck by lightning. The red haired human she had seen a few times was there, along with the short haired one, interrogating her as to why she was at the Conclave, how had she lived when all else had died, and how did she escape the fade?**

 

**She had no ready answers, and couldn't even recall why she was at the Conclave. She kept quiet about where she was from, only giving them her name and offering to help if she could.**

**Bella.**

**They didn't need to know that was short for Belladonna.**

 

The black haired woman untied me on the way up the mountain, and we fought our way up to the first group of soldiers fighting demons under this green thing? An elf grabbed my hand when they were dead and held it up to the green light… Making it dissipate. I was I'm shock. But even more so when I was introduced to him and another man.

Solas, apostate mage and Varric Tethras, recent detainee of the Chantry and now reluctant partner against the chaos.

For a few seconds, I stood there, processing. Finally remembering why I was there in the first place.

_-You are to kill Varric Tethras._

_-But why?_

_-Don't question me, Bella. The Carta has demands and friends, and sometimes we are asked to do unpleasant things._

_-But he's practically a celebrity. In Orzammar and here. Damn, he runs half of Kirkwall!_

_-Doesn't matter. The contract has been accepted. Do as you're told._

_-Fine. Then I want out._

_-You what?_

_-I'm done after this one. I'm tired of death. And I'm tired of being used. You know I'll always be grateful for what you did but I can't do it anymore._

_-We’ll talk about it when you get back._

_-Nothing to talk about._

 

I shook my head, nearly extending my hand in greeting. I was surprised at him, had half expected a smarmy slimy looking dwarf from all the stories I had heard. His blonde hair was no surprise, but the lively look about him, and his clear gray eyes - they were disarming at best.

I rubbed my palm on my thigh. “Nice to meet you,” I had said, amazed at my smile and greeting. He gave me a wink and something clicked in my chest.

Little did I know what it was.

 

**She managed to get them all to the breach and to seal it for the time being, being knocked unconscious in the process. She woke up in Haven, in a house. In a warm bed at that. And things moved quickly from there. She was tasked with helping reform the Inquisition, gaining support from either the mages or the Templars, amongst her actual mission of trying to assassinate Varric. She went about the countryside, recruiting as she went. Vivienne, ambitious mage, Sera, the impetuous elf rogue, Blackwall, the stoic Grey warden, and The Iron Bull along with his Chargers. Things were on a roll and she was completely clueless as to how to stop it.**

 

“So that was fun!” he declared one day when I walked by his customary spot in front of the fire pit.

“What was?” I asked, genuinely curious.

“Oh, just everything. The world has gone crazy and we're trying to stop it. Ironic isn't it? A storyteller and a misfit rogue, an elf apostate, and the Right and Left hands of the Divine. Also, an elf with good intentions, and a Warden on the run. Oh, and the giant Qunari we just picked up. Nothing like leaving the fate of the world in the hands of … What are we exactly?” he mused, tapping a finger on his chin. I shrugged.

“We are trying our best under the circumstances, I would say. Now, I have..” I started to leave and he stopped me.

“Bella is an odd name. I knew an Isabela once, Rivaini Pirate. She was nothing like you though. She had an affinity for daggers,” he said with a chuckle. I raised an eyebrow.

“Like this one?” and produced one of the ten I kept hidden on me at all times. “Or this one?” and pointed another at his crooked nose. He laughed, a booming sexy sound that pissed me off. “I have things to do,” I muttered, turning on my heel and leaving. He whistled after me. I scowled to myself and kept walking, his low chuckle slithering through me.  
  
A few weeks later, I made the decision to approach the Templars, as no one else could make up their minds about what was what. I received an invitation to Therinfal Redoubt, and in a fit of pique, I took Varric, Cassandra and Solas. The amount of people there when we arrived was astonishing. Sycophants and nobles vying for the Lord Seeker’s attention, or ours if some of their actions were to be believed. When we were let inside the keep, the nobles were kept out and things went sideways very quickly.  
Which, to be honest, was just my luck. NOTHING about my own mission had gone right, why should this!?

We found that the Templar commanders had been feeding their people red lyrium, and plans were in the works to assassinate the Empress of Orlais. Amongst other things. The amount of sheer stupidity in this keep was mind boggling. And as we fought our way to the Lord Seeker, things just got weirder and weirder. Until I was pulled through a door and

 

_Into the fade._

 

 _Fuck._ _  
_   
_A demon was waiting for me there, wearing my face, then Leliana’s. Then Josephine’s and Cullen’s. Then, surprisingly, Varric’s. Mocking me for failing, telling me that I was a disgrace to the Carta and my parents would be disappointed in me. Reverse psychology was so last year, and I was having none of it. As I made my way through this twisted version of the keep, I met a boy. A man? Odd and talked in riddles, but I managed to follow what he was saying. He led me up and through the keep and that allowed me to leave._

 

My reappearance shocked them all, Varric the most as I fell into him when I landed. His arms caught me though, strong and keeping me from hitting the stone floor. I hastily apologized and tried to disentangle myself, failing dismally. He laughed and helped me stand and I brushed my clothes off as I explained what happened. He watched me with a crooked grin and I did my best to ignore him. We finally met the Envy Demon in person, fighting for what felt like hours before we finally defeated it.  
  
Later on, after welcoming the remaining uninfected Templars into the Inquisition, I left most of them to walk ahead on the way back to Haven. I lost myself in my thoughts, trying to figure out how I would tell Estelle about failing to kill him still. I jumped when he spoke up behind me.

“Why do you separate yourself from everyone?” he asked, his voice quiet and resonant. I sighed, shrugging. I didn’t look back.  
“Because I am not what they want me to be?” I ventured.  
“Ah. Well, that may be true. Are any of us ever what we are wanted to be?” he caught up to me and began to walk alongside me. I shot him a glance.  
“Are you what you say you are?” I asked.

“Probably not. But then again, I have been lying for a living for longer than I haven’t. Part of being a legacy and running a city full of crazy people.”  
I snorted. He looked at me. I shrugged. He sighed.  
“You are tough nut to crack,” he said, looking off into the distance. I snorted again.  
“Not so much. I am simple. I was at the conclave on a mission, a mission I have now failed not once, or twice. But at least five times. And I have no way to let anyone know this, because then that admits where I came from. I have no real family left to speak of and, to make it all so much better, I now have a magical thing stuck to my hand that is quickly becoming a painful bother.”  
“You, short human, are anything but simple. But I will let you have your delusion. For now,” he said with a soft whistle as he stopped walking and waited to walk with the others.  
And in that moment I had never really felt more alone.

**\----**

That night, I sat in that silly little cabin they were letting me use. I could hear Varric talking to someone in the house next door, and it was irritating me to no end. I had tried to sleep, to no avail. I had tried writing to Estelle, again to no avail. I couldn’t go to the tavern, as I was avoiding any substances that would loosen my tongue. I was a happy drunk, apparently. Happy and so willing to share everything. All the things. And so I suffered in silence.  
Varric began telling whoever it was a story about something that had happened in Kirkwall. About a man named Garrett who had been caught cavorting with his mage lover in a Chantry closet and I had to actively work at not laughing aloud. He described the entire thing in lurid detail, down to how fluffy the hair on Garrett’s body was, and how rigid his.. Arousal? Was. The entire thing was ridiculous to listen to and I was half of the mind that he was making it all up.  
I laid there, fascinated and lulled into a comfortable silence by the cadence of his voice. Ah, but he had a way with words. His voice was low and sexy and what the fuck was wrong with me. I sat up, shoving a hand through my unruly hair. I glared at the wall nearest his house and wrapped a blanket around me. I opened my door, intent on taking a walk but there he sat, on a log outside his door, talking to himself. He raised his glass to me, sitting there with his shirt unbuttoned, his hair loose around his face and a smirk. I scowled and slammed my door, which just made him laugh, long and low.

The next day, I asked one of the scouts if there was a bathing hut, or a spring nearby I could use. I had been using melted snow but that just wasn’t cutting it at this point. The scout pointed to a spot on my map and after gathering a few things from my ‘house’, I marched out of camp to find it. And much to my surprise, when I did, the hot spring was abandoned and I was beyond giddy for a bath. After a quick look around, I undressed and slid into the water.  
I nearly died from how amazing it felt. I soaked in the hot water for a few, before using the scrub I had gotten from the apothecary to wash my waist length hair, and using sand to scrub my skin. As I rinsed myself, I could hear the birds in the trees quieting, and being the person I am, I slowly made my way to the bank and under the guise of using my towel on my face, I picked up a dagger and threw it before I could think.

“ARE YOU INSANE?!” I heard yelled, and I looked to see Varric standing there, hands on his hips and my dagger embedding a piece of his hair in a tree. I stood up in the water and yelled back, “WHY WERE YOU FOLLOWING ME?!”

“I wasn’t!” he said, gripping the dagger and pulling it free, looking at it in disgust. He looked back at me and his eyes widened.  
“Could.. You.. Shit,” he said before turning around. I looked down and laughed.  
“What? You’re the first man to see me naked? I don’t think so,” I sneered, turning and climbing out of the pool and grabbing my towel. Wrapping it around myself, I walked barefoot through the snow, my hair still dripping and I’m not even sure if the fast pulse was due to my anger or his nearness. I tapped him on the shoulder and held out my hand.  
He peeked at me through one eye before dropping it into my outstretched hand.  
“Oh, stop acting like I offended your non-existent sensibilities,” I said with a soft laugh. He turned and looked at me.  
“You have no shame,” he said with a mock sneer. I raised my eyebrow. “Need I have any?” I mocked back.  
He tilted his head, then raked his eyes down my barely towel covered body.  
“I would say yes, just to be polite. But we both know otherwise. Cassandra asked me to get you, I had no idea this pool was here or that you would be naked. Or that your aim was that uncanny,” he mused. I tilted my head back at him, “Maybe I missed on purpose,” I said with another shrug. He swallowed audibly, “That is not a comforting thought, Feisty,” he said. His nickname for me startled a laugh out of me.  
He looked surprised. “Hey, the first genuine laugh! We’ll get there yet,” he said with a wink before turning to leave. I snorted and went back to my clothes. I didn’t even wait for him to leave before I dropped the towel to dress. His muttered curses about needing a cold bath and a drink or ten made me laugh again.

I sat across the fire pit from him later as he was telling more tall tales, about kissing dragons and daring statues. Some rang true, some rang like a fairy tale. I eventually excused myself and went back to my cabin. A few nights before, I had found a way to climb up on the back of the roof and lay there staring at the stars. In an effort to not have to listen to Varric. I donned my usual black clothes, pulled my hood over my face and climbed. I heard him come back to his house an hour or so later, just quietly going in and then.. Nothing for a bit. I sighed, closing my eyes. This entire situation was getting to be.  
Because I _liked_ him. I really liked him. He was funny, and kind to everyone. He had hilarious stories and commisserated like a professional. He made me smile more often than not and somehow I was supposed to kill him. I pressed a hand to my stomach.  
Then I heard it, a soft moan, from below. I ignored it. Then another one, and it sounded familiar. I climbed from the roof quietly, peeking around the back corner through the side window of his cabin. And there he sat, on a chair in front of the fire. Completely naked, and his fist wrapped around his extremely hard cock. I nearly choked on my own tongue. I tilted my head, surprised. Most of the dwarf men I had seen back home were fairly average, with a rare exception. This was fascinating. Who would have thought that he had _that_ hiding under all those clothes. Girthy, wider than usual, and it was easily several inches longer than what his fist covered. Dark and veined, the tip shining in the firelight. I felt an answering and very unwelcome throb between my own legs.

In fact, the entirety of him naked was doing weird things to my insides. He gripped himself, his knuckles white as he stroked.

He was so intent, his eyes hooded, his lip between his teeth. His chest heaving, the hair glistening in the firelight. His cock was nestled in dark golden hair. His thigh muscles were tight and thick, one leg propped up on a stool.

I rubbed a hand over my stomach.

What am I doing?! Watching him… Self service? There was no end to the nubile women who fell over themselves daily to get his attention. But I couldn't tear my eyes away. His stomach twitched, his hand moving faster. His breath was heavy, his other hand sliding low, gripping his sac. I covered my mouth, His head fell back as he groaned softly, his hand slowing as he came, spilling on his chest and stomach. I pressed back against the cabin, hand over my heart.

I was never going to manage this. And the Carta was going to kill me.

If avoiding him for life didn't kill me first.

 

The next morning, I had reverted back to wearing my own black clothes, my gloved sleeves and hood. My hair was braided and wrapped around my head, held in place by special hair sticks. I had.. I had to get back to what I was here for. And escape. Otherwise the Carta would descend upon the unsuspecting people here and I couldn't allow that to happen. I avoided him on my way to the Chantry, going up and informing them we needed to go close the breach.

Everyone agreed.

So we headed up to the Temple ruins and with the timely help of the Templars, I managed to close the breach. Hours later, as we headed back towards town, I pulled out one of the rare needles that Estelle had given me a few years ago. I kept it inside one of my dagger handles, it was tiny and discreet, and it was coated in my preferred poison.

I pulled one of the sticks securing my braids from my hair, sliding the needle into the shaft. I had fallen behind some, and was watching Varric walk and joke around with a few of the younger recruits. Then he demonstrated how to use Bianca and I faltered.

He turned and saw me, giving me a wave and a nod. I waved back and stopped walking.

“Can't do it, can you?”

I didn't even flinch when Bull spoke up behind me.

“Can't do what?” I asked, aiming for nonchalant.

“You can't kill him,” he answered quietly, dropping his axe head in the snow, leaning on the haft. I looked at him.

“Am I that transparent?” I asked.

“No. But I've seen some of your moves before, how you train and the way you shoot that bow. You're not a novice. And I saw the Carta tattoo on your calf. Never seen one on a human before. And you always watch him.”

I felt my shoulders fall.

“They'll kill me for this,” I whispered.

“They can try. I don't think you realize what you have here, the Inquisition would lay down it's entire mass of lives for you.”

I snorted. “No one cares for me that much. They haven't for a long time. I'm a key to their salvation, and since we closed the breach they're safe. I can go.”

“Ah. I didn't take you for a runner.”

And that hurt.

“I'm not. But I'm also tired.”

“I know. But stay a few more days. Things might surprise you.” He gave me a mock salute, before heading down the mountain and leaving me standing there alone. I straightened my shoulders and followed. By the time I made it into the town, the celebration was in full swing. Dancing and drinking, laughing and happiness abounded. My chest ached, and I tried to retire early. But no, _he_ caught me.

“Leaving so soon?” he said with a grin, mischief in his eyes. I gave him a bored look, shifting on my feet. “Yes. I’m tired, my arm hurts and I don’t feel much like celebrating right now,” I answered honestly.  
“Ah. Are you alright?”  
That caught me off guard. Usually that was my question, and here he was throwing it at me.  
“I’m fine. No need to pretend to care now. I closed the breach. Everyone is happy and safe.” I crossed my arms over my chest. He walked towards me, and I tried to back up but hit the stairs near the house, falling backwards and landing on my ass. He chuckled low in his chest.  
“Hey, I’m finally the taller one,” he teased. I looked up at him and tried not to smile back. Damn him. And those eyes. And that hand held out to me to help me stand. I reluctantly reached out and grasped it, and he hauled me to my feet.  
“You’re a light little thing, aren’t you?”

“Little?”

“I might be a dwarf, but even for a human you are small. C’mon, you aren’t that dumb,” he scoffed, finally releasing my hand. I rubbed my thumb over the wrist he had gripped, trying to rub away *or in* the feeling of his skin.  
I shrugged. “My father was a dwarf.”  
I hadn’t meant to say that, but damn he had a way of getting under my skin.  
“Your mother wasn’t?” he asked, looking down my body again.  
“Do you enjoy doing that?” I asked before I thought about it.  
“What? Asking nosy questions you don’t want to answer?” he countered.  
I raised an eyebrow, cocking a hip and crossing my arms under my breasts. “Looking at me that way,” I pointed out.  
“What? A man can’t appreciate an exquisite form without criticism?” he asked with a shrug.  
I narrowed my eyes.  
“Exquisit my ass.”  
“Yes it is, I get to look at it often enough,” he muttered. I coughed, then gave up, laughing at the absurdity of it.

“Anyways, Cassandra wanted to talk to you again. I feel like a glorified messenger boy,” he whined.  
“But you are impeccably dressed. And look, your crossbow practically glows.” I teased.  
He looked shocked, then laughter rolled out of him. I went to step around him and he stopped me with his hand on my arm.  
“Why do you look so sad even when you laugh?”

“Because I’ve realized that no matter what, after today, I can’t ever go home. If it ever was home,” I answered truthfully, if not the entire anwer. I gave him a pat on his hand and moved away, feeling like I left my heart there in his fingers.

 

 **As she talked to Cassandra, an alarm rang out. Haven was under impending attack. A man named Dorian brought them more dire news, that the Elder One was there, with his first in command, Calpernia.** **  
** **The fighting was grueling and ugly, mage’s attacking at every turn. When the Archdemon dragon appeared, all hope was lost. Until Roderick remembered a path through the mountain. He offered to show them the way out, and Bella offered to be a distraction.** **  
** **Varric and Solas refused to let her go alone, and Bull joined them. They made their way to the last trebuchet, intent on setting it off and burying the remainder of the mage forces. Before they could fire the damn thing, the dragon was back and had effectively cut Bella off from her companions. The Elder One, Corypheus, was there to retrieve his Anchor and when it didn’t work, he tried to kill her.** **  
** **She dangled from his hand a good six feet off the ground, feeling sick to her stomach at the sight of the red Lyrium growing out of his face. Then he threw her at the Trebuchet and she happened to see the lone flaming arrow that signified that the rest of the people were safe.**

**She threw some snark at the ugly undead magister, kicked the trebuchet firing mechanism and ran for her life.**

 

 **Hours.. Or days.. Later she woke up in a cave underground, where she had landed when the avalanche overtook the town. Her arm hurt more than ever before, and she could barely walk when she did manage to finally stand. She pulled her hood close and used the sickly green light from her hand guide her out of the cave. She nearly cried when she finally made it out of the cave alive, no thanks to the despair demons that had attacked her in there.** **  
** **But here was a worse problem. A blizzard of epic proportions, and she couldn’t see where the townspeople had gone. She trudged through the snow, hour after hour, eventually going numb to the cold. The snow was half way up her thighs as she reached the top of the mountain, finding a still smoking fire pit there. Some small part of her was glad she would freeze to death, while another wished that she could tell Varric that she was glad she had spared him. She finally crested the mountain and could see the fires off in the distance. As she fell to the ground, she could hear people yelling around her as she blissfully passed out.**

 **She woke up some time later, pain riding her limbs as she got the feeling back from the cold. She laid there shaking and cursing them for finding her before she could just slide into death. Death would have been so much easier than returning to Estelle while he still lived.** **  
** **After she was able to walk again, Solas told her that the orb that had given me the Anchor was an elven orb, offering his magnanimous assistance to find and study it. Then he told her of a fortress buried in the mountains, an ancient elven one that had been built over by humans in millenia past. So they headed to said fortress, with Bella scouting ahead and avoiding more trouble along the way.**

**Once at Skyhold, and settled in, Cassandra, Leliana, Cullen and Josephine all voted to make Bella the acting Inquisitor. She was already the unofficial one, and they decided to make it a final title. She was.. Terrified. And elated. And knew she had to let Estelle know that she had failed. They would hear about her rise to power and would send people to find out what was what. And why she hadn’t come back. And why Varric Tethras still walked the earth.**

 

I sat at the bar of the Herald’s Rest, enjoying the unusual quiet as I drank a lowly cup of mead. I ignored the few other patrons around me, spinning a little dagger on the bar top. Varric had offered to contact a friend for us, to give us more information on Corypheus. Leliana was sure he was talking about Garrett Hawke, and I was sure that Cassandra was going to kill him. I swallowed the last of the mead, and after fixing my hood, I made my way up and out of the tavern, across the battlements to where Varric had told me to meet them.

Varric stood there alone, without his coat or weapon, arms crossed over his broad chest, just looking out over the keep. I sighed.  
“Where is your friend?” I asked as I stepped out of the shadows. He shrugged, “He’s here somewhere,” he answered. Then the door opened behind us and out walked an exceedingly tall black and gray haired man. I stood there with my hands behind my back, a dagger up my sleeve and curiosity getting the better of me.  
“Inquisitor, meet Hawke. Hawke, meet the Inquisitor,” Varric introduced us. I held out a hand and Garrett shook it firmly.  
“You can call me Bella,” I offered and Garrett laughed.  
“I’ll stick to Inquisitor, Bella reminds me of an old friend who betrayed us a little too sharply,” he said with a grin. I shrugged.  
“Told you,” Varric muttered, making me snort.  
Varric brought up Corypheus and the conversation turned serious. We talked for a while and after agreeing to meet in Crestwood, Varric left to get them some whiskey. I asked Garrett questions, making sure to avoid any about Varric. Not that it helped me any.  
“He’s full of words about you, you know,” he told me, leaning on his elbows, staring down at the tavern. I sighed.  
“I glow green and make pithy jokes. He’ll get over it,” I said with a shrug he couldn’t even see.  
“Ah, I don’t know about that. You’re different. He’s different. He’s torn and it worries me some. Be kind?” he asked, looking at me. I shook my head, “You’re wrong, I’m nothing. His love for Bianca is legendary and I would never come between them!”

He laughed, looking startled. “He told you about Bianca? He never tells anyone about her! How did you manage that?”  
“Are you talking about the crossbow? Because I am…”

‘Well. Shit. Forget I said that. Oh, he’s going to kill me,” he muttered, rubbing his face.  
So.. Bianca was a woman AND a crossbow. I tucked that information away for future use. I bade him goodbye before Varric returned, retiring to my lofty room before I made a bigger fool out of myself.

Over the next few weeks, I wrote countless letters that I never sent. I threw myself into training and dragged everyone all over the countryside closing rifts and taking on Venatori, Red Templars and Demons alike. I tirelessly ran them into the ground until one day I was yelled at.

I was out behind the keep, wearing just a small tight vest and loose pants as I practiced throwing daggers at a dummy I had absconded with.  
“So there was a vote and it was decided I get to yell at you,” came the voice behind me. I jumped, turning and barely stopping myself from throwing another dagger at Varric. He stood there, his tunic half buttoned, and an irritated look on his face.  
“Why?” was all I asked before turning away and resuming my throwing.  
“You have either lost your mind, or forgotten that not everyone is made of anger and energy like yourself.”  
I snorted. “Do you have a point to make, Varric?” while I walked to retrieve the daggers.  
“You are pushing too hard. None of us understand how you aren’t exhausted, but even The Bull is getting tired. We need a break. So do you,” he pointed out. I shrugged, refusing to look at him.  
“So we will take a break.”  
“Just like that?”

I nodded, “Did you want an argument?”

“No. But I expected one. What’s gotten into you?” he asked, his voice closer to me than before. I turned, nearly bumping into him.  
“Nothing. Always nothing. I have a letter to write,” I growled, taking my daggers and leaving him standing there.

A week or so later, we managed to make it to Crestwood, meeting Hawke’s friend Stroud there. Other plans were laid to meet in the Western Approach and we went back to Skyhold to reprovision.  
One night, I was up in my room writing the hundredth letter to Estelle, when a messenger came up to get me. “You have a visitor, Your Worship. A dwarf man is downstairs in the kitchens waiting to talk to you,” she said, bobbing an awkward curtsey at my door and running off before I could respond. A cold pit formed in my stomach. I didn’t even bother to go find shoes, making my way downstairs, past Varric and down to the kitchens. There by the outer door stood Estelle’s son, Hardig. I straightened my shoulders and dragged him out the door and up onto the battlements. After making sure no one else was around, I waited for him to yell at me.  
“Estelle is displeased with you,” he said quietly, his blue eyes sad. I nodded.

“Tell her I am sorry,” I said back. He shrugged. “Someone else has been dispatched to finish your task. Do not interfere, or she will retaliate.”  
Fear gripped me. “How can you do that here?”

“Who said it will be here? And who said that the one taking your place won’t succeed and get away, unlike you. Your time is up,” he informed me coldly. He walked away, fading into the shadows. I stood there for a minute, before I was galvanized into action. I ran back through the keep and I was just in time to see Varric leaving the hall with another dwarf.  
One I recognized but not from here. She was a Carta infiltrator. I followed them, as she took him to one of the back towers. Silently, I followed them up, and I could hear her explaining that the Inquisitor had something for him, and the skepticism in his voice as he followed her.  
When she reached the top of the tower, she waited for him to join her.  
“I’m sorry,” she said quietly, reaching inside her jacket. I scrambled out onto the roof and put myself between them.

“Move,” she ordered me. I shook my head.  
“What’s going on?” Varric demanded to know from behind me. She lunged, trying to get around me, but years of training came to fruition and I twisted to stop her, barely feeling the prick from the dagger in my side, as I kicked her leg out from under her. I fell to the roof and she toppled over the side, her scream something I would never be able to unhear as she fell from the fortress into the chasm below.

I laid there for a minute, assessing the damage to myself. Varric stood there, hands on his hips, fire in his eyes.  
“I can explain,” I said lamely. He waited. I moved to stand and asked him to follow me back to my quarters. However, in my haste to get there, I forgot that I had been stabbed by her little knife.  
A knife that had been coated in poison.  
When we got to the main hall, I began to get dizzy and fell to my knees next to one of the tables. Varric yelled for a healer before I completely lost consciousness.

 

Hours later I awoke on my bed. Varric sat in the chair by my fire, Bull sat on the couch and Dorian sat on the edge of the bed.  
“Ah, there she is. You can thank The Iron Bull for letting us know which antidote to use, young lady,” Dorian informed me as he stood. He brushed off his clothes, bade me farewell and left the tower before I could even speak. Bull gave me a look, one that spoke volumes, even if only from one eye. I nodded and he left.  
Varric didn’t move, and as I sat up, he just turned his head to look at me. In his closed fist was a piece of paper.  
“Ah. You found one of the letters?” I asked, aiming for light when all I wanted to do was cry.  
“No. I found all of the letters. You’ve been unconscious for nearly a full day. When were you going to tell me?” he asked, getting up from the chair and starting to pace. I moved to the edge of the bed, keeping the blanket wrapped around me.  
“I don’t know.” He shot me a glare.

I shrugged and thought a minute.  
“I had all these grand plans. I was going to find you in Haven, finish the job and retire. Then the Conclave happened, and the breach. And everyone depending on me. So I stayed. And tried to figure out how to finish the job I was given but hated. Ah, you’re surprised.” I laughed bitterly. I pulled my knees up to my chest.  
“Estelle saved me when I was little, when my parents were killed by an assassin sent for her. Even though I was more human than not, she took me in. Trained me mercilessly, and taught me to kill. I hate it. Every moment of it.”

He snorted. “Were you actually going to do it?”

“No. I figured that out a few weeks ago. The seeming endless events that always screwed up my plans. Come to find out, I like you. And even before we sealed the breach I knew I wasn't going to do it.”

He stood in front of the fire, hands on his hips, refusing to look at me. Not that I could blame him.

“Some of the things in your letters…” he started to say before pausing.

I laughed softly.

“Right? Who knew that a heartless assassin could feel things? I sure didn't. I was supposed to be cold and calculating and you somehow just disarmed me every time I was near you.”

“You're blaming me?!” he asked, astonished. I stood up, began to pace.

“No. I blame me. I blame Estelle. I blame my parents. But I cannot blame you. I don't even know why they want you dead,” I said with a sigh. I kept moving, hoping maybe that would take away this ache that settled in my chest. “The night we closed the breach. Before the attack, I was going to leave. Disappear and leave you alive.”

“Why didn't you?”

“Because I have nowhere to go,” I whispered. Admitting it out loud hurt more than I thought it would. Everything I'd ever had wasn't mine truly. It all belonged to the Carta.  He heaved a sigh behind me.

“The Carta want me dead because of how I helped Hawke in Kirkwall. Amongst other things,” he muttered.

“Like Bianca?” I ventured. His sputter told me enough.

“I'm going to kill him,” he said through gritted teeth.

“Don't bother. It was my fault. Like most things.”

“Don't do that,” he said sharply. I ignored him, moving to sit back on the bed. My legs were shaking. Fear gnawed at me.

“Do you hate me?” I whispered.

“What? No. What kind of question is that?”

“The kind that I ask when I have no reason left not to.”

“This just… it complicates things.”

“What things? Bianca?” I tried to tease him but I could feel tears threatening my small amount of composure. I covered my face, taking a breath.

“Can you please go?” I begged him when the silence just stretched out for what seemed like forever.

“No.”

I looked up to find him standing in front of me. His face was unreadable, but his breath was nearly as uneven as my own. He reached out and tucked my hair behind my ear. I turned my face away, shaking my head. His finger dragged my face back, “This is unbelievable,” he muttered, his thumb tracing my lower lip.

“What is?” I asked like the idiot that I am.

“This! You, me. All of it. I'm a dwarf. You're the Inquisitor. It could never work. And there's…” his voice trailed off.

I pushed his hand away. “Then go,” I said.

“I can't.”

His voice sounded as strained as mine.

“And why not? If she is that special to you, just go.”

He caught my hand, held it tight. “It's complicated.”

“So?” I asked, lifting my chin.

“Shit,” he muttered, before his lips claimed mine. My breath exploded from my chest, my heart slowing to a crawl. And this was worth the wait..  Heat curled in my belly, aching need snaking through me. His hand cupped my neck, pulling me closer as his tongue slowly invaded my mouth. The kiss was slow, tantalizing, and beyond everything I had dreamed about.

He pulled his lips away a few moments later, his forehead resting on mine. I closed my eyes.

“If this isn't something you want or need, I need you to leave. I can't do this if it's nothing but a distraction. Please,” I begged. He shook his head.

“I don't know that I've wanted anything more,” he said softly. My eyes shot open and he gave me a crooked grin.

“Give me a few days. Let me wrap my head around this,” he said then, kissing me once more before he turned to leave. He came back and grabbed the stack of letters from the table and tossed them into the fire.

“Thank you,” he said, watching them burn.

“For?”

“Saving me,” he said quietly. I took a breath.

“You saved me first. You just didn't know it.”

He started to leave again, then stopped.. Again.

“Are you alright?” he asked.

“No. But I will be.”

He sighed and came back to where I sat. He climbed up the stairs to my bed and sat, taking my hand. “Bianca is complicated. I need to tell her. Well tell her something. She'll hear soon enough even if I don't but she deserves to hear it from me,” he said quietly. I nodded, staring down at our fingers. His hand still somehow managed to be bigger than mine, his fingers broad and strong.

I looked up at him. He reached over, drawing me into his arms. And he kissed me again. Gentle and persistent, I could feel his heart racing against my hands. Maybe he wasn't as unaffected as I thought he was.

Eventually he pulled away and laid back on the bed, pulling me up against his side. I closed my eyes and took a breath.

“Thank you,” I said quietly.

“For?” his voice rumbled under my ear. I smiled.

“For saving me,” I said. He laughed, “Get some sleep before I regret being chivalrous.”


	2. Life Becomes Her

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bella and Varric as more than ready to move their relationship forward, but wait for safety's sake. When they are finally able to.. Sparks do fly!   
> Then they go to a ball and Bella gets a surprise visitor.

I woke a few hours later, on my side with a hand holding mine and hot breath against my back. I nearly panicked, then remembered  _ he _ was here.

Varric, who smelled of the sea and liquor and something spicier underneath. I smiled into the dark, pressing my face into the pillow. How he didn't hate me right now, I'd never understand. Not that I was complaining. 

“You think loudly,” he muttered behind me, scaring me. His chuckle at my jump made me want to smack and kiss him at once. That kind of dichotomy was annoying.

I rolled onto my back, looking at him. He propped himself up on one arm, the other playing with my hair. “This is all odd,” I said with a wary smile. He shrugged.

“What isn't anymore?” he replied. I rolled onto my side to face him, tucking my arm between us. 

“I need to go back to my room,” he said quietly, and my heart fell a little.

“Oh don't do that,” he said, his face softening. “I'm not leaving you. But I'd rather not word of whatever this is getting back.. Well going places it shouldn't before I have a chance to tell her.”

“Do you love her?” I asked quietly, grateful for the dim light from the fireplace. 

“I think I've always loved her. But.. Most of the time I'm not in love with her. Like I told you, it's very complicated.”

I sighed. “Then you should go before I try and convince you to stay.”

“Just laying there is convincing enough. But amazingly, I find I have scruples. Who would have thought?” he mused.

“I would have. You don't know yourself very well do you?” I teased. 

He traced a finger over my cheek. “Apparently not.” He leaned forward and softly kissed me. Just a single soft kiss. That I felt to the bottom of my stomach.

I pulled away and sat up, then climbed from the bed before I did try to convince him to stay. I was wearing a short black silk nightgown and really didn't want to know who put it there. The growl from the bed was satisfying though. 

“Do you always wear.. Those?” he asked, flopping back onto the bed and covering his face. 

“Ah. No. I own them because Leliana insisted. I usually sleep naked,” I said, moving to get a drink. I poured a small glass of something fruity and strong. 

I tossed it back and gripped that cup for all I was worth. 

“You're killing me here,” he muttered. 

“I know you're able to take care of such.. Issues?” I snarked. He sat up and his eyes were wide. I just shot him an “I have no idea what you're looking at me like that for” look with a lazy shrug. 

“You..” he muttered  _ shit _ under his breath, “you watched me?” 

“I didn't mean to.”

Which sounded hollow and stupid even to my own ears. 

“How can you watch and not mean to?” he asked as he climbed from the bed himself. He grabbed his boots. Walked over to me and sniffed my glass. “Can I have some? I think I'm going to need it,” he mumbled. I laughed softly and poured him some, handing him my glass. He drank it slowly, eyes on mine.

A ball of heat settled in my stomach. 

His eyes widened as my nipples hardened under my nightgown. I crossed my arms over my breasts and tried not to care. 

“Well it's going to be a very long day,” he said softly, adjusting his pants. I leaned the few inches down, my face a breath from his. 

“I'm not going to ask you to stay. Because I have scruples too. But, I'm sad to see you go. And you should go because my scruples are beginning to look like obstacles,” I told him, before I barely touched my lips to his. He visibly shook as he pulled away and walked from my room barefoot, boots forgotten in his hand. 

I grinned, my fingers on my lips as I heard the door barely click shut. 

 

I laid awake the last few hours of the night, and wrote Estelle a letter I intended to send. 

 

**_Estelle_ **

**_I'm going to pretend that I didn't almost die last night saving the only mark I've ever failed to kill for you._ **

**_I'm also going to pretend that you didn't let your son threaten me the way he did._ **

**_And this is the last I'll say on any of it._ **

**_I'm done._ **

**_I'm out._ **

**_No more._ **

**_I'm at Skyhold, and I'm the Inquisitor. Much to my everlasting disappointment. But I can't change that. I also can't change what I feel. I'm where I need to be. I'm helping people instead of killing them and it feels beyond amazing._ **

**_You know I've always looked at you like a mother. And I love you for taking me in and not caring I wasn't fully a dwarf. But I can't do this anymore._ **

**_Please, be safe._ **

**_And smart._ **

**_I'm surrounded by magic and intelligent people. Who would not take it lightly if I were to die. Or try to die again._ **

 

I figured it better to not mention what I felt for Varric. I had a stupid grin on my face again and couldn't even care. I got dressed in my work out clothes and went out behind the keep while it was still mostly dark and practiced throwing my daggers. 

Action kept me from going crazy. Or seeking him out and finishing what we both wanted. He was going to be the death of me and I welcomed it. 

 

Hours later, I was inhaling breakfast alone in the main hall. And the coffee today was particularly perfect. I was back in my black clothes, minus the hood. As I was sitting there finishing my coffee, Varric walked in. He sat across from me, stealing the last of the bacon from my plate. 

“You're lucky I like you,” I told him over my cup. He winked at me, “I would say ditto but I'm eating your food so…” 

I laughed. “I sent my letter to Estelle,” I said quietly. He raised an eyebrow. 

“As it so happens I just sent mine off to.. Places,” he said with a shrug. I leaned forward. “Did you get anymore sleep?” I teased. 

He snorted, snagging a roll. “Not even close. You?” 

I shook my head. 

“At least I wasn't alone in my misery,” he told me before stuffing the roll in his mouth. I looked up at the ceiling, as if begging a deity to take pity on me. He just grinned at me around his food. I got up and left the hall, heading down to the courtyard. We would be heading out to the Western Approach tomorrow and I wanted to make sure we had everything we needed. Granted that wasn't actually my “job” but sitting there watching him eat was not high on my list of things I could amicably do at this point.

I approached the tavern, spotting Dorian sneaking out of the tower door up behind it, looking rather disheveled and nowhere the proper man he usually was. To be fair, he and Bull had been flirting for weeks. At least someone was satisfied. I approached the quartermaster’s office and was forestalled by Cassandra standing there glaring at me. 

“Are you still talking to that scoundrel?” she asked me, pointing vaguely at the keep. I knew what scoundrel she was talking about, as I had broken up a fight between her and Varric a few nights before. I understood both of their sides.. Though arguably I was more in favor of his side because.. Reasons. 

“Which scoundrel are you referring to?” I asked, feigning innocence. 

“Don't play coy.”

I sighed. 

“You've heard what I have to say about it, Cass.” 

She raised a perfectly arched eyebrow. “And?”

“You both have perfectly valid points. And he's promised to be good. And I can't blame him for protecting his friend.”

She signed and raised her eyes heavenward. 

“Is he still inside?” she asked. I nodded warily.

“I'm.. Going to apologize.” She left me standing there slack jawed.

 

Later that afternoon, Varric approached the war room and asked us to be on the lookout for various red lyrium caches. Of course we agreed because it was beyond dangerous. That night I retired early and found myself laying on the floor of the balcony, staring up at a cloudy sky. I was tired but unable to sleep and seeking Varric out seemed like a terrible plan. Especially since I wanted to not be good anymore. 

A knock sounded at my door, and after a moment's thought, I ignored it. I closed my eyes, hoping they would just go away. My brain had enough to process without more drama. 

“It's rude to ignore people at your door,” came the sardonic voice above me. I jumped and had a dagger in my hand before I realized what I was doing. 

Varric leaned against the door frame, eyes wide. “You're fast,” he said with obvious admiration. I sighed, dropping it and covering my face.

“I don't know if I'm up for sparring or denying myself tonight,” I said quietly. I peeked up at him. “Why are you here?” I asked.

“I don't even know. I tried playing cards and lost. Sparkler is off doing perverted things. Curly is working and I'm bored.”

I snorted. “So you find me?”

“I wanted to come up here first, if that matters,” he said. 

“If you stay here I'm going to try and convince you to really stay,” I said, a wealth of meaning buried in my voice. I stood up and he gaped at me. “Is that a dress?” he asked. I shook my head, blushing. 

“It's a robe that I forgot to have Josephine get altered. It’s too big. Well really just too long. The rest fits fine,” I said as I pulled the top closed. He tilted his head, looking a little too closely. 

“Stop,” I pleaded, heat crawling up my chest. 

“I like looking, since I can't touch. Yet.”

My heart stopped. “Oh so you intend to touch?” I asked, walking to my liquor cart. I poured some honey whiskey that I hoped would take away the ache. 

I took a sip of the whiskey, relishing the burn as it went down, and the delicious punch of sweet heat when it hit my stomach. He held out his hand, and I walked back to him, handing him my cup. He took a deep swallow, coughing as it burned. I laughed.

“How did that not kill you?” he asked around coughing. I shrugged. “I have a lot of useless skills. Drinking ridiculous things happens to be one.”

He handed it back. I downed the rest, and set the cup upside down onto the cart. I walked around him, my hand still holding my robe closed. “I'd never have guessed that you were all wiry and strong under that ridiculous shirt you wear,” I mused. He raised an eyebrow. 

“How much did you see exactly?” he asked.

“Ah. That's a story in itself. See, I was laying on my roof avoiding you.” 

He snorted. I went to the bed and laid down on my back, abandoning the front of the robe. “I was laying there, and contemplating how to leave. When I heard the softest moan. At first I just ignored it. We were all in fairly close quarters and who am I to judge where people find their pleasure?” I turned onto my side, propping my head on my hand. 

“Then I heard it again, except this time I could tell it was you. Your voice has a very distinct timbre. It resonates deep inside me and I could listen to you for hours,” I informed him, well aware I was admitting dangerous things here. Apparently whiskey still makes me happily honest. 

“I climbed off the roof, walked around the back and there you were in front of the fucking window. Stark naked. Your hand wrapped around yourself, doing what I've never even admitted to myself that I'd rather be doing. I couldn't look away. I stood there, mentally yelling at myself and I managed to watch as you peaked. The sound you made broke me.”

His hand was in a fist at his side. His jaw clenched. “That was your fault, you know,” he told me, succinct. 

“Oh? How so?” I asked, ever so seriously. 

“Parading around at the bathing hole. Without a care..”

He stopped speaking and coughed. 

“I have no shame because I've never needed it. I am what I am. Which, while yes there has been experience, it wasn't life altering. Or something I'd be willing to repeat. You? You change it all,” I said quietly. His eyes fell to my robe and he looked skyward. 

“You're killing me here,” he said, strain obvious. I shrugged. 

“You are the one who came up here, after dark, when I was already sorely pressed for tact. I very clearly told you I sleep naked. What did you expect?” I flopped back onto the bed, my patience wearing thin. “I've thought about you ah, and your hand, countless times. It's etched into my brain. The way your knuckles grew white as you got closer. The way your chest heaved. Your stomach twitching. Your hair all loose and soft. Your thighs trembling.”

He made a strangled sound. 

“You should leave if you have no intention of touching me tonight.”

“You say all that and expect me to go?” 

I sat up. “Do you want me to tell you what I did while thinking about you? I can even demonstrate. So as to clear the confusion.”

I moved to the edge of the bed, the robe sliding farther apart as I knelt there. “The first night, the same night of said incident, I laid on my bed, as naked as you had been.” As I spoke he walked to the bed.

“I slid my hand,” I paused as he moved closer but before I could talk again, his mouth stole my breath. His hand slid into my hair as he kissed me senseless. My hand gripped his wrist as I surrendered. 

This was everything. My heart raced, and my entire body throbbed. He kissed like he told stories - taking his time to explore every facet of the kiss. His tongue slow and deliberately taunting mine. 

I pulled my mouth away enough to say, “I'm slowly losing the ability to care about your scruples.” I ran my hands down his chest, stopping just above his waist. His breath stopped.

“I should so leave,” he said, his eyes roving my face. I nodded, kissing his chin. Then his neck. He shivered. “Fuck,” he said, obviously torn. He backed away and ran a hand through his hair. I gave him an innocent grin, shrugging my robe off my shoulder and he turned on his heel to leave. I got up and ran to the railing above my stairs. “Think about me when you touch yourself later?” I called down to him. 

“How about I think about you twice?” he muttered as he slammed my door.

I laughed and went back to my bed. Where I laid and thought about him. 

Twice. 

 

**They left for the Western Approach the next morning, Bella, Varric, Bull and Dorian. Fighting an assortment of crazy ass wildlife, dust storms, and random rifts, they finally made it to the outpost where Hawke and Stroud met us. There they met more surprises. A magister by the name of Erimond, summoning demons by way of controlled Warden mages.**

**The conversation beforehand was enlightening, the fight afterward was bloody. Hawke was angry. Stroud incredulous. Bull was silent. Dorian sputtered. And Varric made really empty jokes to try and alleviate the tension. Bless the man. The whole thing just royally pissed Bella off.**

**Stroud and Hawke offered to go scout out where Stroud thought the Magister ran off to as he escaped their clutches. Bella went back to Skyhold to get ready for a ball.**

 

The day after we returned to Skyhold, I was having a final fitting for the gown they were insisting I wear to this ridiculous Masquerade. It was simple, and black as I had insisted. Gold ribbon ropes around the waist, only one shoulder strap. Luscious falls of black frothy material that made up for the fact that I was having to go at all. I had gold flat sandals that laced up my calves and a gold painted peregrine falcon mask. 

After we finished, I went downstairs to get some food, only to find Varric standing in the hall having a very heated discussion with someone dwarfy. I couldn't tell who it was from behind but I didn't recognize the armor. I leaned against the wall by the garden door and watched how animated and irritated he was. 

His hands moving every which way, his agitation so very obvious. He spotted me, and fell instantly silent. I had a feeling I was going to dislike this conversation. I walked over, ready to introduce myself. 

He looked nearly panicked when he laughed a little too loudly. “Ah, here's the Inquisitor now!” he held out his hand with a very pronounced flourish. I raised my eyebrow, looking down into some very angry hazel eyes. 

“Nice to meet you…?” I held out my hand, the question hanging in the air. 

“Ah. This is Bianca Davri, Bianca, this is the Inquisitor.”

I felt a shiver eke down my spine. “A pleasure to meet you,” I said, my voice husky. 

While her tone was overtly hostile, she brought news of how the red lyrium got into the hands of the Templars and Wardens. If we wanted to know more, we could meet her in Valammar. 

I made a hasty exit and silently made my way up onto the unused balcony over the hall, sitting directly above Varric. I leaned back against the wall and sat there. 

“I got your letter,” I heard her say, testy and low. 

“I didn't know you were on your way here,” he said evasively. I closed my eyes.

“Shouldn't matter where I am. You can't just.. Walk away like that!”

“You're married! And I'm tired!” he hissed, and I heard a thunking sound. 

“That's never mattered before, and you know it!”

“Things have changed, I've changed,” he said quietly then.

“Who is it?” she demanded to know. 

“No. You don't get to waltz in here and demand answers like that. Suffice it to say, she makes me smile. And I don't have to avoid entire countries to keep away from her family. She's smart and kind. And probably the least selfish person I know. And if this were a different circumstance, you would like her,” he answered. I covered my mouth. 

“She sounds far too good to be true. Are you making this up? Did my family put out another hit on you?” this time she sounded genuinely concerned.

“Yes. They did. And their assassin failed. Thankfully.”

She sighed. 

“You should go,” he said softly.

“I'll… I'll meet you in Valammar,” she said, before I heard her walk away, then stop. 

“Does she make you happy?” she asked him, surprising me.

“Ah. She does more than that. She makes me hopeful.”

And with that I knew I was lost to him. I hadn't even had the pleasure, so to speak, but that was the “turn-back-or-perish” signal from the universe, and I blatantly ignored it. 

I waited there, contemplating. I didn't even jump when he sat next to me some time later. “I should remind you it's rude to eavesdrop. But, to be honest, I would have done the same thing had our roles been reversed.”

I looked at him. “You're a big romantic sap aren't you?” I teased. He laughed softly and rubbed a hand over his face. 

“Apparently I am.”

“I like you that way, just saying,” I said, leaning over and bumping his shoulder with mine. He chuckled. “That's probably good since I don't think I could stop at this point in my life,” he said. 

“I'm going to go eat. You can join me or no. But after that I'm going to bed. And we both know my locked door is no match for your fingers.”

I stood up and left the balcony. 

I did as I said I would, eating a quick supper and retiring to my bedroom soon after. I undressed and climbed into my bed, barely covered with a sheet. Then I promptly fell asleep waiting to see if he would come. 

 

I awoke some time later when my bed dipped next to me. I opened my eyes, stretching and smiling at Varric. He gave me a wry smile on return. “Want me to come back?” he asked.

I shook my head. “Are you alright?” I asked instead. He turned quiet. 

“You know, I thought it would be harder.”

“It could be….” I teased, though I knew what he meant.

“Shh. She capitulated almost too easily. We've been.. Complicated? For years. Since before she married that dufus. But it hasn't felt good in a long time.” He reached out and grasped one of my curls, studying it. 

“This? You? Feels right. Mostly.” 

I raised an eyebrow. “Do to want to leave?” 

“Only if you want me to.”

My heart slowed to a crawl. “Really?” I whispered. Nearly afraid to believe it. 

He slowly stood, walking down the stairs to take off his shirt. Then his boots. Slowly, and deliberately. I rolled onto my side, watching intently. He untied his pants next, slowly pushing them down and discarding them. My hands itched to touch him.

He was already half aroused, proudly standing there. “You're sure?” he asked one more time. I held out my hand. 

“Never been more sure,” I said, smiling widely. He walked back to the bed, mounted the steps and crawled to me. He pulled the sheet down, slowly revealing that I was indeed naked. 

“That day, at the hot spring, by the time I got back to my cabin I was hard enough that it hurt,” he mused, slowly looking me over. 

“I can't even apologize. Your voice has been driving me crazy for months,” I replied. He barked a low laugh. His finger reached out, tracing a light line down my cheek. Down my neck, over my shoulder. Around the curve of my breast, his breath hitching at the instant response his touch received. “It's almost surreal,” he said with awe. 

I grasped his hand, and gently tugged him closer. 

“Varric?” I said quietly. His eyes flew to mine. 

“Kiss me,” I whispered. Something changed in his eyes. His gaze fell to my lips, before his own claimed them. Gone was the reverence. 

Here was the lover. His hands cradled my face as his tongue explored to it's heart's content. I relished it, every wet hot breath. When his hands left my face to skim over my body, I wanted to die right there. 

Magic.

Pure, utter, magic. 

Soon enough, his mouth followed his hands. Kissing his way down my chest, his lips plucking at my nipple, before his tongue and teeth joined the fray. He moved again, lips trailing down my stomach, kissing my hip, his hands nudging my legs open. When his breath touched me, I nearly died. His fingers parting my lower lips had me trembling. His tongue gently licking me made me gasp. 

When his finger slid inside me, his tongue sucked my clit deep between his lips. Then two fingers, slowly moving as his tongue rubbed and circled, driving me far too close for comfort. His other hand wound beneath my thigh, gripping me as I rode his mouth for what felt like forever. 

I looked down, just once. To make sure that it really was  _ him _ . He caught my gaze when I did, something wicked in his shadow dimmed eyes. Then I was arching on the bed as he threw me into my orgasm. I cried out, my hand clutching the bed as my body spasmed and shook on the bed. He removed his hand, and after a last kiss to my shaking thigh, he moved back up my body. His pelvis to mine, he pressed a gentle kiss to my neck. 

Then he looked down at me, his eyes clear and bright. “How did you do this?” he asked me quietly, smoothing hair from my face. 

“By being the most inept assassin ever?” I suggested with a shrug. He chuckled, before kissing me again. I nudged him back. “My turn,” I said with an eyebrow raise. He allowed me push him back onto my bed. I leaned over him, my hair falling around us. I kissed him then. Gentle and quick, then his jaw. His neck, and collarbone. 

His eyes closed as I drew my lips down his chest, his hand curling into the mattress as I scraped my teeth across one nipple, his breath hitching when I did the same to the other. My hands caressed his hips, before one closed on his cock, my lips kissing his stomach, then the curve of his hip. His cock was so hot in my hand as I slowly stroked him, wide and beautiful. I kissed the tip and he trembled. I took him between my lips, and he moaned.

I sucked him into my mouth, stroking him with my tongue. His hand moved my hair, and I looked up to find him watching me. His head fell back when I pulled my mouth to the tip, brushing the underside with my tongue before taking him deep again. His stomach twitched as my fist followed my mouth, up.. And down.. And up.. And he pulls me from him. 

“Not yet,” he murmured. I took his outstretched hand, and he pulled me on top of him. I caressed his face, my fingers lingering on his lips. “Are you alright?” he teased me. I gave him a brilliant smile. “Far more than alright,” I said, kissing him again. He wrapped his arms around me, rolling me onto the bed under him. He settled between my legs, kneeling there. He stroked himself, just one thorough time as he looked over me. 

“You know, I have a very vivid imagination. And it never came close to how this actually feels,” he mused. I sighed. Had he thought about it as much as me?

He lifted my leg, before running the head of his cock between my lower lips. I trembled as he stared down, watching his cock slide into me. Ah, this was far better than anything ever before. He stretched me, filling me. His hand gripping my thigh was nearly as telling as his own hectic breathing. 

Then he moved. And again. Long and slow, he thrust again and again, pressing deeper with every one. His hand found my clit, his thumb gentle and dazzling as he slowly rubbed it. He looked between my face and where we were joined, his eyes focused and sharp. His his other hand was gentle, on my hip as he moved within me. 

My eyes closed and I just felt. His thumb and his cock and his hand and this ever present  _ need _ for more. More of his mouth. More of his hands. More of  _ him _ . I arched on the bed as I came close to my release, my body begging for everything. He let go of my leg, before leaning over me, eyes on my face as he thrust harder. And when I peaked, I gripped his arms as I moaned under my breath. My body fell apart under his, spasm after spasm making me twitch under him. His forehead fell to my shoulder as he ground his hips against me, his hand gripping the bed as he followed me into bliss. 

He throbbed, I spasmed. I trembled, he pressed a kiss to my neck. 

I laughed, he groaned. It was really amazing how that worked. 

He fell to the bed next to me, trying to catch his breath. “So… That blew my expectations out of the water,” he said with a low sigh. I looked at him, and he grabbed my hand, bringing it to his lips. I turned onto my side, and he wrapped his arm around me, kissing my hair. 

“I can't believe you're here,” I said, my hand on his stomach, fingers splayed through the hair there. He covered my hand with his. I pressed my face against his shoulder. “Are we really doing this?” he asked, his voice rumbling under my face. I looked up at him.

“I really think so. We should do it again, to make sure we got it right the first time…” my voice trailed off and he laughed. 

“And yes. We are. About fucking time,” I muttered. He sighed. 

“Be careful for a while,” he said, startling me. I leaned up on my elbow, looking down at him. His hand rubbed his face. “I don't think she will, but if Bianca is still as bloodthirsty as she used to be, there might be hell to pay. Or something,” he muttered. I snorted. He raised an eyebrow. 

“Varric, I've lived through a dragon trying to step on my face and a mountain falling on me. And I've already got the Carta after me. I'll be fine.”

He tugged my hair. “You better be. I have a vested interest in your well being,” he said with the beginnings of a smile. I moved to straddle his hips, my face just above his. “And why is that?” I asked, my reaching under me and gripping his cock softly. His breath caught and his eyes narrowed. 

“Ah. I think you know what I'm talking about,” he said gently. I stroked him, and the quick intake of breath proved my point. “Do I have.. Things well in  _ hand _ Varric?” I whispered, my mouth moving to his ear. “I dreamed about you nearly every night,” I whispered, delighting in the fact that he was already hardening under my grip. 

“I've wanted you on top of me, under me… behind me. I've wanted to lose myself in your hands, your extremely arousing hands that never seem to stop moving,” I said, before scraping my teeth over his earlobe. He shivered.

“Did you have time for anything else?” he asked, his voice husky and low. I laughed softly. 

“I had time to lay here,” I said, rolling off of him, into my back. “I would close my eyes, and listen to your voice in my head,” I closed my eyes, my hands rubbing over my body, heat pooling in my belly. 

“I'd think of your lips. Or your hands. Touching and caressing me,” I said, my own voice low as my hand dipped between my legs. I spread myself, gathering my arousal and rubbing myself gently. He growled. I opened my eyes. 

“Do you understand now?” I asked. He nodded, his cock in his hand, and sweat on his brow. I sat up and climbed over him again, my hand joining his. His pupils widened, his nostrils flared. “Should I stop?” I asked innocently. “Don't you dare,” he growled. I pulled his hand away, kissing his fingertips. Then I shifted my hips, sliding down onto him. I sat there for a minute, enjoying the delicious throb of him deep inside me. He drew his hands up my sides, each filling with a breast. Goosebumps spread across my skin, and the obvious pleasure on his face made everything worth it. I moved my hips, grinding against him. He closed his eyes, and I covered his hands with my own as I rode him slowly. My head fell back and I reveled in all that was  _ him _ . 

Minutes… Or hours later… His left hand slid down my body, between us to rub against my clit. I shattered moments later, my orgasm hard and fast, gripping his cock tight over and over. He pulled me down, before turning me on my side, his hand drawing my leg around him. He began to thrust, hard and fast. When he finally came, his low cry made me shiver against him, his hips digging deep as he spilled. 

I pressed my face to his neck, smiling against his sweaty skin. 

“We definitely did that right,” he said, pulling my face to his for a kiss. 

We certainly did. 

 

I woke up some hours later, sprawled across the bed, smelling him on my sheets. I felt around and when I met warm flesh I smiled against the bed. He sighed, feeling for my hand and pulling it to his lips. I scooted over to him, curling up against him in the dark. 

“I was afraid you left,” I whispered around a yawn. He rubbed a hand lazily over my back. 

“Couldn't leave,” he said. I smiled against his skin. He spoke again, “You smell like exotic heady flowers. Most assassin's don't smell like sexy sin.” 

I laughed. “Sexy sin has a smell?” I asked, leaning up on my elbow.

“If I were to write you, that's exactly how I would describe it. You've been driving me crazy for months,” he said, shrugging grandly. I pressed my face to his side. And promptly fell asleep again.

 

**5 Days Later -**

 

I sat in the coach they had insisted that I ride in. Wearing that ridiculous dress that they had dressed me in back in town. It had been raining when we left Val Royeaux, and as such I was wearing a heavy velvet cloak over the dress. I held my mask, and had real gold chains and ropes braided into my hair. 

When the coach finally stopped outside the palace grounds, the door opened and Cullen helped me down the steps. He gave me a wry smile, “I'm sorry again that this was necessary,” he said. I shrugged, tucking my hand into the crook of his arm. 

“I'm sure Varric will be pleased,” he teased me. 

“Oh, and why would you assume that?” I asked, trying to ignore the way my heart sped up at the mere mention of the jerk. Oh his constant teasing about the dress had made me inordinately angry. 

“Because he was only saying those things to distract you.”

I sighed. 

“You see too much, Commander,” I admonished softly. He chuckled. 

“You remind me of my sister, if you don't mind my saying so. She is older than I but much shorter. I admire you and what you've done here,” he said, rambling. Josephine met us at the palace gates. 

“Everyone is here,” she said by way of greeting. Then she took me to meet the Duke and he led me into the palace. Once inside, the low din of voices hushed as I crested the grand staircase. A footman took my cloak, and I donned my mask. Silence reigned. I looked about, finding every eye in the vestibule on me. 

I took a steadying breath, before turning once more and finding Varric staring at me from near another flight of stairs. He had on the same bright red uniform as the rest of my people, but somehow it looked sinfully regal on him. I slightly dipped my head towards him and he favored me with the same. Then I was swept into the ballroom and that was that.

A few hours later, I was standing at a lone railing, a hand fisted in my dress and my heart racing. We had finally uncovered the plot to kill the Empress, and it involved Venatori. Of course. Because why shouldn't it?

I heard a tsking sound next to me and turned to find Varric standing next to me. He gave me a small smile. “Guess who I just saw downstairs?” he asked. I closed my eyes. 

“There are some Carta dwarves here. And I think a couple of Bianca’s lackeys. Tonight could get more interesting,” he muttered. I sighed.

“I like that red on you,” I said quietly. He chuckled, surprise and pleasure warring in his eyes. I grinned at him. 

“I won a bet tonight. Bull bet you wouldn't wear the dress. I bet that you would. I didn't mention that I would get to help you out of said dress,” he said just as quietly. 

I looked at him, arching an eyebrow under my mask. 

“You took my breath away. Until tonight, I thought that one of the smarmiest sayings in romantic literature. Until you did it to me, taking off your cloak. I've been itching to untie that rope at your waist all night.”

I shivered. He heaved a sigh. 

“Save me a dance?” I teased as he turned to leave. Uncertainty then.

“What if people talk?” he asked, almost sad. I shrugged, irreverent. 

“Let them talk. I have nothing to be ashamed of. Or to hide. Do you?” I asked. 

He shook his head, before reaching for my hand and drawing it to his lips. 

“Zero shame, Bella,” he said before walking away. I felt a blush creeping up my chest. 

 

Later on, I was idly twirling a glass of champagne in my hand, waiting for the Grand Duchess to make her move. As I raised the cup to my lips, a hand clamped on my wrist. 

“Don't drink that,” Varric said, sounding angrier than I'd heard him, ever really. He took the glass, and took it out onto the balcony behind me. He poured it into one of the flower pots and the flowers instantly shriveled and died. I swallowed air. He threw the glass off the balcony. 

I sat on the bench, a hand at my throat. He sat next to me, grabbing my other hand. “I'm sorry,” he said. 

I shook my head.

“I just have to be more careful. Stop thinking my position makes me untouchable. Was it the Carta or…?” I left it hanging. 

He nodded. “I gave the one who did it to Leliana.”

I growled. He raised his eyebrows. 

“Are you alright?” he asked.

I nodded slowly. 

“I'm fine. Estelle won't be,” I muttered. He stood up and straightened out his coat. Then he leaned down and kissed me, a kiss that spoke volumes. “Be safe, Bella,” he said softly. I patted his hand that still cradled my face. 

I straightened my shoulders and gave him a look. “Do you know what Bella is short for, Varric?” 

“No.. Should I?” 

“Belladonna,” I said softly, kissing his fingers before standing and sweeping back into the building. He whistled after me. 

He would figure it out. I was legendary amongst the surface dwarves. Belladonna was the faceless assassin that killed with kindness and never left a trace. I was quiet and dangerous and now I ran the reigning military institution in Thedas. 

 

We were drawn into the trap we knew the Duchess would lay. And after a quick and bloody battle, we raced back to the ballroom to stop her from assassinating the empress. I confronted Florianne on the ballroom dance floor, brutally laying her sins bare before everyone. I was visceral and mean, and I couldn't even care. 

By the time I was done, she was sobbing in the floor. The Empress had her arrested and dragged off to the dungeons. After I verbally slapped the Empress, Briala and Gaspard around, I made them all work for me. 

Because I was done being the lackey. 

 

When I stood on the balcony, after welcoming Morrigan to the Inquisition, I heard a throat clear behind me. I turned, hoping to see Varric. Instead, I saw Estelle. I felt a cold fist grip my spine.

“You are a difficult woman to get alone,” she said, studying her nails. 

“Well, I don't spend much time alone to be honest.”

“How did they convince you to wear a dress?” she asked. I laughed.

“I have enough weapons under it for three people and then some. I also figured if I capitulated this once, they would cease asking.”

She shrugged at me, walking across the balcony to stand next to me. 

Her silver hair was elaborately knotted at her neck, and her stark black suit was so very her. Her brown eyes were nearly black, and she looked tired.

“I'm equally elated and sad to find you well. You look almost happy.”

Her voice was low. 

I tucked my hands behind me, answering honestly. 

“This ball was awful. But I am happy. As happy as one can be with a magic mark attached to her and a world to save.”

“So the stories we've been hearing. They’re all true?” she asked me.    
“They are. Well, if they are about me being the Inquisitor, and having some magic thing attached to my hand. And Corypheus. Damn,” I sighed. 

“I was really hoping for otherwise. What I was actually going to do was try to talk you into coming home. But the boys heard about what you did across the castle tonight. Closing some errant rift, and thwarting an assassination of Orlais’ ruling head? Hard to compete with that,” she said.    
“There is nothing to compete for, Estelle. I.. I can’t do it anymore. At least with the Inquisition I am helping more than I am maiming. And I have people there who respect me, as  _ me _ . Not the me who is the assassin. And then there’s,” and I paused.    
“I saw you looking at him tonight. You fell for your mark,” she teased me, a twinkle in her eye I didn’t expect.

“Shit. Well, I have to admit, he caught me off guard. They had him so well protected I couldn’t get close. And when I tried to follow some of the people to the conclave for information, all hell broke loose and here I am, a magic wielding ex-assassin.”

She gave a low whistle, before heaving a sigh and turning to face me.    
“I will rescind the death order. For both of you. He makes you smile in a way I haven’t seen in far too long. And I am sorry for that. The Carta.. Is not a forgiving place to live. Let alone a safe one for a human. And I forget that sometimes. I hope he keeps you happy, and please. Let me know if I can assist you or the Inquisition in any way. Better to get onto their good side now while I can,” she gave me a smirk, a wink, and handed me an envelope. Then she silently walked back inside and disappeared into the crowd. I sat down and opened the envelope.    
  


**_Bella,_ **

**_You have always been the daughter I was never granted. And I am beyond proud to see you free and safe. Don’t tell the boys that, they would never let me live it down. I am enclosing some money here, and the information on who ordered the hit on your ‘Mark’. You will probably not be the last they send for him, and for both of your sakes, I wish them nothing but failure._ **

**_Go and love the man while you can._ **

**_Save the world._ **

**_And live, Belladonna._ ** **_  
_ ** **_Live._ **

 

**_Always -_ **

**_Estelle_ **

 

I folded it carefully back up, and tucked it back into the envelope. I then folded the entire thing in half and stuck it into my leather garter. As I was dropping my dress back to the floor, Varric stepped out onto the balcony.    
“Was that…?” he asked, pointing behind him with his thumb. I nodded. 

“I never thought to see  _ her _ .” He said it in a near whisper as he stopped walking, standing in front of me.    
“She isn’t some deity, Varric,” I said with a small smile.    
“She is where I come from. Either way, talk about a victory tonight, right?”   
I nodded again. “Varric?” I asked, before stopping to think.    
“I didn’t do it?” he answered. I laughed softly. 

“Do you really want this? This mess that is you and me? I think the Carta will leave me alone for now. But we are still a mess,” I said, speaking far too fast because, damnit now I was worried, 

“Why do you ask?” his brow furrowed and he stepped closer. He held out his hand. I took it and he drew me to my feet.    
“You were the best surprise possible, Bella.” He pulled me into his arms, and started to move us with the music that was pouring out of the ballroom. “I can’t imagine life any other way now,” he said quietly, looking up into my eyes. I felt whatever it was in my chest loosen. Fear?    
“We’ll discuss the ‘Belladonna’ thing later,” he muttered then. I snorted. He winked.    
And we danced. Under the moonlight at a castle full of crazy elves, Venatori, demons and ignorant people. He held me close and swayed with me to the music. And when the music stopped, he pulled my mouth down to his, thoroughly kissing me there for the world to see. 

 

Several hours later we were back in the manor house we had borrowed in Val Royeaux. Bull and Dorian had absconded with a room downstairs, and everyone else were scattered around the rest of the house. I paced my room, waiting for him to come up to join me. When the door finally swung open, I stood there while he came in and closed it, locking it behind him. Then he took off that ridiculous coat, dropping it onto a chair. In silence, he walked to me, and then walked a slow circle around me.    
“What were they thinking with this dress?” he asked me. 

“Ah. They weren’t. I was. I mean, I demanded a dress I could easily change out of, and one I could hide weapons under.”   
I was blushing again. He stopped walking behind me and I felt him tug the last few remaining pins from my hair, and the cascade of braids and curls down my back was felt sensuous as the feel of his hand on the small of my back. He walked around to stand in front of me, and I untied the rope at my waist. As it fell free, his hand reached out and tugged the one tied at my shoulder. The material fluttered down enough to rest atop my breast, held up by my breast and held breath. I reached out myself, and untied his shirt. He pulled it off over his head and dropped it to the floor. 

Silence reigned.    
His hand tugged the front of the dress down. It slithered down my body and he had to look at me twice before he laughed. I put my hand on my naked hip, and gave him a saucy stare. I had 6 daggers strapped to my thighs, and one attached to my ankle. 

“Told you,” I said before reaching down and unfastening the garters. 

“You’re killing me here,” he muttered, moving to the bed. He sat and removed his boots, then took off his pants. He stalked back across the room and scooped me up, carrying me to the bed. I have to admit, I was mildly surprised. 

“You’re stronger than I imagined,” I said as he joined me on the bed. This time he snorted.    
“You try shooting Bianca an average of twenty times a battle and see if your arms don’t get all muscle bound.”   
I poked said muscle on his right arm. He captured said hand that poked him, and drew it to his mouth.    
“I seriously had to fight the urge to kidnap you at the castle, and find some abandoned room to find out what was under that dress,” he told me, that glint back in his gray eyes. I raised an eyebrow.    
“You mean the whole lot of nothing but pointy daggers, and bare skin?” I asked.    
“I am beyond glad I didn’t know that earlier,” he muttered. I laughed. 

“Varric, I’ve been waiting all night,” I started to tell him, but he didn’t even let me finish speaking before shushing me with his own mouth. I fell into the kiss, grateful for his very presence in the aftermath of the horrors at the palace. Then I didn’t feel so much grateful as I did greedy. He laid me there on the bed, worshipping every inch of me with his hands. And his mouth. Driving me to the brink again and again with a touch.. A kiss.. A lick. He bade me stay there as he gave to me, moment after moment of profound pleasure. He sent me spiraling into oblivion with his mouth, his tongue agile and quick as he drove me over the edge.    
When my body calmed, he had me roll onto my stomach, kneeling between my legs. He lifted my left one, before guiding his agonizingly hot cock to my entrance. “That dress was wicked, you know,” he informed me, his voice shaking as he slowly slid inside me. 

“How so?” I managed to ask, trembling beneath him.

“I would catch glimpses of your skin, The side of your breast, or down between them. The curve of your leg, or the curve of your back. Enough to,” he withdrew and thrust again, “tantalize and make me crazy,” he said softly. 

I shook there, spread beneath him as he drove himself into me relentlessly. My hands gripped at the bed. My body already on fire. His hands covered mine as he thrust, fingers gripping tight. His breath tickled my shoulder, his lips brushing my skin. 

And still he moved, his pace barely quickening as we strained in the silence. He moved our right hands, sliding them under me. Our joined fingers touched me and I was gone. I smothered my yell into the mattress, my body clenching on his relentlessly. He groaned, his hips digging into my ass as he took his own release.

What felt like forever later, he pressed a kiss to my shoulder and climbed off of me onto the bed. I turned my head to face him, watching his face in the near dark of the room. 

His eyes were closed, his hair loose around his head. He scratched at his chest, his breathing still heavy. The soft golden light played across his skin in a surprisingly intimate way and I had to resist the urge to say emotional things I wasn't sure he was ready for. I turned away and rolled from the bed. I walked to the table and filled a glass with water and drank it down. I turned to find his eyes watching me, appreciation clear on his chiseled face. I stretched, dousing the last few candles and getting back into the bed. 

He curled up against my back, his arm thrown over me. I fell asleep wondering if he would still want me after talking about Belladonna. 

 


End file.
